I have noticed the increase in phone calls that I receive on my cell phone that are objectionable.  I can remember when I first got a cell phone, only people I knew could call me.  No Mas.  Today, on the way home from the ranch I got a call from “UNKNOWN” and I knew right away that this was going to be a call I would not normally get.  I answered anyway because I was kinda in a pissy mood.  A voice identified herself as a political poll taker, seeking opinions about political feelings in the state of Texas.  I said, sure, I would be glad to give my opinion.  Before she could start her list of questions I simply said.  My opinion is that we should hang every damned one of the sumbitches and start over.  There was a silence at her end of the phone and she simply said, Thank you sir for you candid opinion.  Somehow I got the feeling she really didnt want my opinion.  I laughed so hard I damned near run off the road.

One of the things my two cousins and I did during the summer in Pecos was to go to the city dump and catch skunks.  My older cousin Bobby would operate on them and remove their stink gland.  This was a delicate operation as it consisted of unpuckering the rectum to expose the pistols that sprayed the foulest of odors.  Normally my job was to hold the flashlight while Bobby did the cuttin.  Lessie held the skunk down.  You can only imagine how still an animal can become when someone is cutting things off its rectum with the aide of a single edge gillette razor blade.  The skunk was normally inside a burlap bag.  We had the procedure down to a science.  However, there were mishaps and they were not pretty.

How, you might ask, does hunting skunks relate to political polls.  Well sometimes even the best laid plans and the purest of intentions just seem to turn to caca.  The lady who called probably had a very nice and orderly list of questions that someone had told her would reveal the true feelings of the people of Texas, concerning the political fortunes of our country.  However, she had the misfortune to call an old skunk hunter, who knows what a skunk smells like, and her plan turned a bit foul. She is probably still sitting at her desk, looking at her phone, thinking, who in the hell do I give this poll to?

Chuy the opinionated