1.  The check is in the mail

2.  I will not get you pregnant

3.  I will not send troops into Iraq, Iran, Sudan, Ethiopia, etc.

Is there a soul left on the planet that believes any of the above blatant lies?  I would hope not.  We are bombarded daily with a steady stream of I will not’s.  Then while we are sleeping they get done anyway.  It’s kinda our fault for sleeping, I guess.  I only sleep about 5 hours each nite so if some of ya’ll could volunteer to watch while I catch those few hours then maybe we can watch what is going on.  Question?  The man won in a landslide, twice, but I’ll be damned if I can find anyone who voted for him.  Who did and who didnt?

My travel advisor and I are leaving in about a week for a bucket list trip. She has always wanted to see the fjords of Norway and I have always wanted to see the reindeer people.  So, that’s what we are going to do.  I have also always wanted to take a finnish sauna with the Finish women’s ski or luge team.  I dont know how much that would cost but lets all hope it’s less than I think.  However, if they will take AMEX then price is not object, my children can pay for it with my estate.  I am looking forward to having some nubile young Scandinavian beat me with a birch branch. LOL. I have been eating pickled herring for the last week just to get in shape.  They seem to eat a lot of herring and salmon over there.  I am at one with herring, salmon, stinky cheese and lingonberry preserves.  I also like dark bread spread with reindeer butter.  Dorothy is not much on breakfasts but I sure am and the Norse are famous for large breakfast buffets.  Oh, ya’ll dont worry about me getting fat because traveling with D is akin to a trek.  Man can that gal walk. Except for a knife made by the Sami (reindeer people) I can’t think of much I will bring back.  I am going to try to bring back some dried salmon but will understand if customs eats it. But they might not, D and I took the time to apply for a pass that lets us avoid customs in some cases.  We had to apply thru the Border Patrol or home land security and they took care of it.  We will see.  I may be writing from a Federal correction facility later this year.

I want all of ya’ll to promise to stay healthy while I am gone.  I dont want to hear any bad news that would ruin my vacation.  I dont want to hear anyone cough on the airplane either.  That Ebola scares the shitaske out of me and I dont want to be stranded in London.  Their food is not all that exciting.

Take care

Gary