I bought a new car yesterday.  This will now give me something to do for the rest of my driving days: I am referring to the reading and study of the owner’s manual.

My first car had a minimum of buttons on the dash.  I can recall a knob that engaged the overdrive feature, 2 knobs and about 5 buttons on the radio, and a light switch.  The high beam light switch was on the floor on the left side of the drivers area, where it should still be, and the horn was honked by a big round silver circle that was located on the steering column.  Basic, but effective.  My first car did not have the following features:  heated steering wheel ( if it is that cold, I am going to be home ), heated seats ( makes my butt sweat), DVD player ( I can’t watch cause it is in back seat) , warning system to prevent getting too close to car in front or rear of you (if I can’t see the cars I need to stay at home anyway), a video display that tells me how much air is in each tire (how do they do that?), a voice that comes on and tells me there is a flash flood warning in the area (Oh, that’s what that wall of water is that is coming down the gully off to the right) and a map that tells me where I am at and where I am going.  That little feature could come in handy when  dementia sets in.  I am not sure I need or really care to know what my average fuel consumption is on hilly terrain ( I can look at the gauge and see how far from empty I seem to be).  The one feature I am really glad did not exist when I was in my formative years is that “Northstar” thingy.  That damned thing is spooky as a haunted house.  Can you imagine being parked out at that second little road past the “circle” at the Pecos airport and have a thought about their being someone ( a real person, who can talk) who knows exactly where you are.  Not only does that lady know where you are, she can send you a map about how to get back to your date’s house.  Please go 100′, turn right at the mesquite bush, proceed 1/2 mile down the dirt road, etc, etc, etc.  Had that been available would the voice have felt compelled to call your date’s parents and tell them where you had taken their daughter?  I shudder to think of the possibilities.

It does have a stereo system.  A good one.  With 13 speakers placed strategically around the interior of the car.  I remember installing a second speaker in my first car.  I was high cotton.  I think I will crank up the bass while I drive today, wear some dark glasses and tie a dew rag around my head.  When the gangs start chasing me for getting on their turf, I will just call that lady at Northstar and get the map to the police station.

Oh, and I am going to spend some time today trying to find the handle that opens the gas tank door and the hood.

Chuy (Henry Ford) Cowan