We rarely ever hear of a town drunk anymore.  When we were growing up there was one in every small town in America,  He was usually a fellow who got along well with others, worked most of the time and was generally avoided or pitied by most who felt he should have had his life on a different track.  When sober, the town drunk would do anything for anybody and was glad to do the favor.  He was generally an amiable fellow.

We no longer have that fellow to look at.  We now have homeless people, who are of a totally different genre, and we have celebrity drunks.  The homeless are mostly not amiable.  The celebrity drunks are becoming less amiable all the time.  However, the celebrity does have rehab to fall back on.  Screw up Joe Bob?  Check in the clinic for a non-specific period of time in order to allow someone to help you find the true meaning of life.  Find out what is making you a person who self destruct.  Beat your wife and then check in so you wont have to face the consequences.  Lay around the rec room at the clinic and listen to other people who can’t cope.  Announce that you are a better person for the treatment and go back to doing what you did before.

Phelps, the swimmer, has just checked into a rehab clinic to find out why he is hell-bent to perdition.  I can tell him in a short number of very carefully chosen words. Buddy, just because you can swim fast doesn’t make you bulletproof or superhuman.  GET A GRIP.  Yes, a cocktail or a beer tastes good.  Probably much better than jail sandwiches, which are normally made of stale bread and week old baloney.  Check into a rehab clinic whose dietician used to work for Sheriff Joe Aparo out of Phoenix.  A few weeks of that dietary regimen and you will be back on the straight and narrow, never to vacillate again.

People of great and grand stature should be extra careful where they step because dog doo is so much harder to scrape off a foot made of clay.

G

As many of you know, Dorothy and I just returned from a 33 day visit to Scandinavia.  Yes, 33 days.  It was a long time to be away from the comforts of home.  We were fortunate to be able to stay in some of the best hotels in the world but even with that, they are not our home.  Little things, like the toilet, are things you get used to.  A couple of years ago we refurbished our home and we replaced our toilets with the ones that are designed for old people.  They are a bit taller and easier to get up and down on.  A little thing but something you notice when your are sitting on a toilet that has you doubled up like a 12 year old gymnastics student.  Yes, there is a telephone right there on the wall but who wants to be the one to call the front desk and tell them to send someone up to help you up off the potty.  We stayed at several hotels where our bathroom had a magnificent view of the port or the city or the park nearby.  I can only assume that if I am sitting there contemplating the world’s troubles and can watch a cruise ship sail by, then there is a fair chance that an observant tourist could just as easy be watching me contemplating.  A small thing but one that can cause one some second thoughts.  These particular bathrooms had not drapes for the windows by the toilet so I have a feeling they may have been charging for the show.

Well, I havent seen any photos of myself appearing on the news or on facebook so think maybe I was lucky.  Photos could have gone viral.

Gary (marco polo) Cowan